Thursday, August 9, 2018
Who would have thought the friendship of two little ballerinas that began more than 35 years ago, would have also cemented a beautiful and lasting friendship between their moms? Maybe it had something to do with the fact that we both - Joan and I as well as our husbands shared Born-in-Hudson County Tough DNA or maybe it was because we all loved to belly laugh and saw life as slightly absurd. In any event, Joan and I never got to be stage mothers; instead we volunteered selling tickets in Ridgewood school lobbies, and cupcakes and candy during intermissions at ballet recitals. A special friendship blossomed as we took turns guarding the cashbox while the other snuck into the back of the auditorium to catch a quick glimpse of a daughter’s performance.
The thing one noticed right away about Joan, besides the fact that she was beautiful inside and out, optimistic, smart, funny and spoke her mind was that what mattered most to her was family. Joe, Chris, Sharon and Susan were the center of her universe and she was their sun and stars. As long as I knew her she loved them fiercely with all her heart and they returned the favor. Maybe we were “Tiger Moms” before the term became popular, but her pride and love for them was equaled only by the love she felt for the wonderful grandchildren who came along later; Cate, Julia, Abigail, Griffin and little Josie. Joan always knew what mattered most in life.
When Don and I moved from New Jersey, we stayed in touch with Joe and Joan by phone and email so even tho’ it might be several weeks in between contact, our conversations picked up at exactly the last sentence we had spoken or written. In later years, we took several, couples’ day trips in New England that we called “our overnight field trips” ostensibly to sightsee although again, a disproportionate part of that time was spent eating and laughing. We were almost thrown out of the Vermont Country Store when the four of us kept circling a huge gourmet samples counter for a half hour or more, gobbling up everything in sight. We ate so much we had to cancel lunch reservations we’d made in the restaurant next door. Even more hilarious was a self-guided tour we took in a Newport mansion. Joan and I howled as we tried to synchronize our cd players to get them on the correct numbered description of what we were viewing. We never did! It was like being in an old Abbott and Costello movie. So many fun memories.
I deeply miss Joan already but I know I will sometimes feel her spirit nearby and when I do, I will smile. This Hebrew Meditation for those who have passed will always remind me that her soul does lives on: “When I die, give what’s left of me away to children and old men who wait to die, and if you need to cry, cry for your brother walking the street beside you. And when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give to me. I want to leave you something. Something better than words or sounds. Look for me in the people I’ve known or loved, and if you cannot give me away, at least let me live in your eyes and not just in your mind. You can love me best by letting hands touch hands and by letting go of children who need to be free. Love doesn’t die, people do. So when all that’s left of me is love, give me away.”
